Five Ways to Show a Child You Care

We all have our own ideas of what we think care is, which is an important premise when it comes to being in relationships with others. If you know about Nel Noddings’ ethic of care theory (1984), you know that caring is more than merely claiming, “I care about you” to someone. Noddings’ explains that the care someone gives must be acknowledged by the receiver as caring. If we don’t take the time to acknowledge the ways in which a child feels cared for, we are missing out on some serious relationship building and deep connection.

For me, caring is about building skills so children can learn they can trust themselves and can feel capable when it comes to solving their own problems. To provide some insight as to how I cultivate care, here are five ways for you to consider:

1. Involve children in the schedule for the day. Whether you are an educator, parent, or both, it’s important to involve children in decision making so that the child feels they can have some ownership in how their time with you is spent. Write out the schedule to hold each other accountable if necessary.
2. Use difference as a point of connection. Each of us learn differently and like different things. We even have different ways of doing things. Therefore, what works for one child doesn’t work for the next in many circumstances. Help children appreciate and recognize the way they are different. Spend time talking or doing activities that point out that our difference is what makes them even more special. The more reinforcing conversation about difference, the better.
3. Promote choices. Often times, children don’t see the options they have when it comes to making decisions. In many situations, there are more than one or two choices. Encourage creative thinking by searching for middle ground solutions to problems, discuss the power of negotiation, and point out that one way doesn’t have to be right or wrong. Many times, the best we can do is make a choice that is right for us.
4. Let the child be the boss for the day. A great deal of a child’s life is out of their control. As a result, children can feel pressured to do things adults around them want them to do. This can leave them feeling powerless, choice-less, and resentful. By giving the child permission to be boss for a day, they can feel a sense of empowerment to design the day. Along the way, adults can ask prompting questions like, “Why did you choose this instead of that?” and other questions that can teach them about what details are involved with “being in charge.” This can develop their leadership and life skills.
5. Make failure acceptable. Many times, adults tell children what to do, instead of letting them figure it out on their own. This can condition the child not to think for themselves. The more we allow space for kids to fail, the more we can teach them to problem solve and take risks. Learning happens by making mistakes.